Tents through the Ages

My husband has a tent problem.  I call it “tentitis.”  Tentitis describes a serious affliction where the infected party lusts after tents of all sizes, makes, colors, and ratings.  Tentitis does not result in a rash, fever, or even excessive hair growth.  Instead, tentitis results in a garage filled with tents.  We have a range of tent colors and sizes, from a one-man backpacking tent to a family tent that has enough room to fit a crib, and possibly park a bus.  I claim none of these as my own.     

The man loves tents.  When we were dating, I offered him my REI refund so he could put it toward a new tent that he was drooling over.  I think that was the day he decided to marry me.  What is it about a tent that drives a man wild?

My experience with tents is rather limited.  Purchasing expensive and/or waterproof gear was not really in the budget for a 1980’s Montana family.  We did have a tent, though – and though it was probably borrowed from someone else and never returned, I can still picture it in my head.  If I picture this first tent, I recall it was white with a giant bar code under the word ACME.  This tent was not the cream of the gear crop.  This was confirmed on the Fourth of July in 1988 when a sparkler, thrown in the air to simulate the fireworks one might see in a “real state”, fell onto the roof of the tent.  ACME melted as the tent shot up in flames.  Thankfully everyone was too busy throwing fireworks around, so the tent was empty. 

I wasn’t involved with a tent again until I enlisted in the Marine Corps, where I was issued a shelter half. A shelter half is exactly what it sounds like – half of a shelter.  You and a buddy would combine halves to assemble a heavy, canvas, drooping tent.  It was very important to set up the shelter half on flat or even raised ground.  A trench had to be dug in a perimeter around the tent to divert and collect any rainwater.  If I recall correctly, every time I slept in a shelter half tent, it rained.  When it rained outside the shelter half, it often rained inside the shelter half.  Luckily, canvas becomes more waterproof the wetter it gets.  The memories of packing up and carrying a wet shelter half for miles is right up there with the memories of my first root canal and the time I dislocated my elbow.

Connoisseurs of today’s tents do not have that problem.  Tents come in sturdy three and four-season models, equipped with rainflies and reinforced carbon-fiber poles.  Today’s tents are dome shaped to withstand the winds of Everest.  These modern tents are light, too; built for long distance backpacking trips.  I hear that the military has advanced from the shelter half “technology” and is now issuing tents that resemble the kind you would find at an expensive outdoor equipment store.  I hope this is true, for the sake of today’s armed forces.  Tents have come a long way in several thousand years.    

The first tents were undoubtedly used by nomadic peoples and made from animal hides – the only records of this exist in cave paintings.  Goatskin leather tents used by Romans have been discovered.  There is a record of a “city of tents” called el-Fustat that existed around A.D. 640, near Cairo, Egypt.  A tent was found on the Viking ship Gokstad when it was unearthed in 1880.  Nomadic Mongolians have lived in gers (yurts, as they are commonly called in the United States) for centuries.  Certain Native American tribes lived in tipis.  Tents have been used since mankind decided to pack up the cave and move closer to Aunt Tilly.   

Suddenly I realize why my husband drools over a lightweight one-man four season tent.  The desire for tents is in our DNA sequence.  Further proof of this can be seen by simple observation. Kids love to build forts from the couch cushions – behavior that shows the initial desire for tent life.  If mom and dad don’t allow the destruction of the living room furniture, there is a good chance Junior can be found camping under the kitchen table.  Sleeping in a backyard tent is the next in the timeline of a human life.  This stage can last for several years.  The final phase occurs when the man is older.  During this stage the man generally has more money, and can inflict more damage at the outdoor shop.  This phase is the reason I have a pile of tents in my garage – tentitis.